profilepicI make napping look like an Olympic sport. If you challenge me to a Simpsons quote duel-off, you’re in for a beat-down. Despite my propensity for being lonely, I have to have alone time every day, and no I don’t mean that, get your mind out of the fucking gutter. The oven mitt? My invention. I love disgustingly tall high-heels but I spend about seventy-five percent of my week in my Chucks. After three drinks I’m drunk, but I’ll still sing you some flawless Barry Manilow. I can wrestle 150 pound hogs in the mud and still come out with my hair looking impeccable. When I’m not fighting crime in my spare time, I’m painting reproductions of Monet’s “Water Lilies” and donating the proceeds to charities that help rhythm-less white folk. I thought about getting “dead sexy” tattooed on my knuckles but I’d hate to advertise the stunningly obvious.

All of that being said, I like to also like to bloggity blog about my war paint and how I keep unruly pubic hair at bay.

I ♥ beauty.

xoxo, Jules @ iheartbeautyblog.com